Pinkgrl5906 I'm Online

I feel a rush every time im near the edge, near falling into the water.

I get these rush, knowing i might drown if i jump, cliff dive, into the water, to high in the air.

I get a rush threw my body, adrinaline, coursing threw my vines.

I know i might never see u again, but I hear the wind calling to me, dareing me to jump into the water.

I feel ur horror, i see it on ur face, i hear in ur voice, i smell it in ur body, but i cant stop myself from jumping into the water, a rush ive never done before.

So if i never see u again i say to u, "I love u, I always will and always have. Good bye."

And then I run, run full throtle, because i know ull try and stop me and i dont want u to.

I plunge myself into the air, and then im free falling, free falling into ablivion.

And then i hit the water, down, down, i got till i feel the bottom, i kick of.

And next second im being pulled in, pulled in by the current. My back is hurting, and i relize im being plunged into hudge rocks over and over again.

And then I hear u call my name. I tell u not to jump not to rescue me, but u dont listen.

And to my horror u jumped, and went into the water right next to me.

U grabed me, and pulled me into ur arms, like im a ragdoll.

and walk out like were in a pound and theres nothing holding u back.

U walk ashore with me in ur arms, u whisper in my hear " never do that again. I cant live without u. Ive waited an eternaity for u to enter my life, never try anything like that again, never do something that could take u from me."

I whisper to u that i wont, and say, "i dont care watu are, where u come from, who u used to be with, i dont care wat u used to do, just dont ever leave me because i cant survive without u.

When im with u i get a rush, ur my everything,ur my life.

U r the only one who really knows me, the only one who really cares

about me. The only one who makes me feel this way, and the only one

who well EVER make feel this way. Do u really know how much u mean

to me? Can u even begin to comprehind how much I love and care for

u? Do u even know what I would do for u? I would do anything,

anything at all. So dont ever leave me, dont ever leave me alone.

Ill love u till the end, to the end of everything, everything i know, Ill

love u till the end of time, till the end of my life, So dont ever leave

me alone. I love u, ur my everything.

My last words, My last words to u were that i didnt care about u, u were resking my life, that i didnt want to be with u.

When really it was all a lie, I loved u, I cared about u, I WAS THE ONE RECKING UR LIFE! And i loved being with u.

I did that beacause i thought u deserved better, and now i know u hate to be with out me, im so sorry for breaking ur heart.

If ull take me back, love again, be there for the broken me, id love to be able to call myself ur girlfriend, i miss u.

I wish i could take all those words back, because i see all the hurt i put u through, but i was just trying to do wat i that u needed, i swear ill never do that again, i put u through hell, i feel horrible.

I love u, I always will. Whether u like it or not Ill love u till the end of time, I swear i'll never forget u or the memories. I miss u. Please come back.

Your my one and only true love,

All of my love, my true love.......come back......

I thought u loved me, i thought u cared.

I trusted u, I belived in u.

But all u did was fail me,fail me miserably.

I thought that u might exept me for me and love me for me.

but thats not what u wanted or did.

Now im left broken,left to put myself back togher,and i'll never be whole again.

Never be the same person i used to be.

U say we need to go back to how our lives used to be, but ill never be able to do that.

Im never going to be the same person i used to be, theres too much hurt and depression,to go back.

Im a changed person, forever damaged

Why? why am I always the one who has hurtful,tragic,

depressing things hapen to me? I love, I crumble into

a million tiny little shards left for me to peice my

self back togher, left for me to try unsuccesfuly to

make myself whole again. To fake a happy smile on my

tragic,horror struck face, to make everyone else think

im happy,when im just damaged,hurt,& broken, to never

be the once happy person I used to be, the person

everyone loved and wanted to be around but that will

never happen again, I will never be that person again.

Im.......who I am now.....theres no going back...

I cant be how I used to be. Not that I dont want to

but I just cant, its like theres something holding me

back and I dont know what that is so now im left, left

alone to put myself back togher unsucessfully.

Im never going to be whole.

I hate living through everyday, living through the hirt and the pain. But

I survive it because of u. Im broken, but i love u, love u with every little

shard i have for a heart. ill love u till the end of time. Its not ur fault im

hurt, devestated, scewed up. Uve done nothing to hurt me, u would

never would never do anything to hurt me, I dont desverve u. U make

these live bareable, u make living on earth bareable. These world we

call earth, Why do we call it earth? we SHOULD call it Hell. Hell for the

living. Hell for the hurt,hell for the homeless, hell for everyone. But

seeing ur face being in ur presense makes live,hell bareable. u see

me for who i am,not a screwed up emo idoit, but me. I love u, but i

dont desevrve u. U desverve someone who is whole, someone u dont

have to save or be gentle with because they're damaged, from

someone elses mistake, but yet u choose little old me, me who is

the most screw up person ull ever meet. Ur my everything, my 1 thing

that keeps me going, wanting to live. Without u i wouldnt be able to

bear these hell of a earth, without u i would be dead, or waiting, waiting

to find someone like u.

I LOVE YOU! FROEVER AND EVER! I'LL LOVE U TILL THE END OF THE WORLD!

Everyone always aks why im so dpressed,why im not the same person I
used to be.

Why im not happy and jolly. And I always say this is who I am now.

Deal with it. But deep down I know the reasoning behind it,Im all alone, alone with nothing.

I ask myself every day why did this happen to me?

Why did fate or whatever it is that screwed me over, made my life miserable.

I would not wish this on anyone, I just want it to go away, to never come back.

But I know that will never happen. Im an outsider looking in, an outcast, a freak.

But do I care? No. If I cant be who I am now and my friends, my family cant accept that then I say to you, screw you I dont need you anyway.

Alone.....thats what I am, will it never end? Will I die alone? With no one to hold,no one to hold me and love me? Alone...