nola8654redhead I'm Online

Too many things past few yrs-My soul mate husband -my 2nd soul mate, Stuart Feller-my Stuie/Stoobie loobie depressed crushed by too many awful things, killed himself by hanging himself w/fishing keeper linee on back of bathroom door 11-29-07 then my favorite& oldest brother of 3-no sisters, dropped dead 07-16-08 & my father 07-23-08. My husband & I were total soul mates, best friends, companions buddies & perfect for each other. We'd gone thru so much in the almost 20 yrs we were together-married almost 19 yrs. I know he lost his mind. I found him. I lost my condo 01-2009 foreclosure couldn't pay it after he died. Private life ins. denied -investigations from homicide detectives/ins. investigators, etc. Not fun. I am lucky I haven't lost my own mind. But I have my b.f. Jesus who will always be here for me 24/7/365. I am angry, hurt, feel lost abandoned. I have been independent since 19 living on my own. It is so hard to lose 3 people u dearly love in less than 9 months w/no other familial support. I will survive as I have so many other things. Life is a glass 1/2 full. I wish my 1st soul mate Bobby Benintende was still here. He died 01/2006. Both Stuie/bobby died age 62. Bobby gave up after we broke off our engagement. He never felt he was good enough for me, whatever that means. It's so stupid/pointless to feel that way. The good lord doesn't make junk. We can't help where/what circumstances we are born into or what damage-emotional, physical, mentally, spiritually that our so called loved ones-parents, siblings or whoever do to us. What we can control is what we make of the rest of our lives. There is a saying, 'What u are is God's gift to u. What you make of yourself is your gift to God." Bobby & I parted on excellent terms. I have never been mean,vicious, cutthroat or revengeful. I am very empathetic, holy spirit filled Christian that was blessed with 4 octave singing voice. Bobby, Stuie & others-male & female have always said, 'your gorgeous'. I am not full of myself nor do I have an overinflated ego. However, over the yrs. I have learned my self worth. I am not necessarily a women's libber but I am genius iq, have a great figure & am empathetic, kind, loving but tough love all the way. This woman doesn't enable anyone-me included. I 'eat nails & spit rust' as Stuie used to say. I will go on. life is a glass 1/2 full-not empty. I have my fed'l pension/health ins. and self esteem & an old car--but it gets me where I need to go so who cares? Libraries are free-so is church. Too bad movies and Cappucino at Barnes & nobles aren't ha ha ha. I love computers, love to read, oldies movies & newer mo vies, love to sing, FISH! be outdoors in good weather, walking, biking swimming, traveling a little. I always am willing to make new friends of any background, race, color, creed or religion or non religion. I live by credo WWJD & Jesus has promised to help me & has told me that he will provide another soul mate when the time is right. I have survived before meeting Stuie-a badly abusive relationship w/Steve jaubert-brilliant & crazy--bad combo, that I met at church in Kenner La. Hitler was same way. Steve tried to kill me at least 11 times, tortured me in every way possible-beat me, etc & I have had to drive myself to hospital..U don't want to know. I got away-with the Lord working thru 1 g.f. from college--That nut stalked my family & me & even showed up when I went one sunday to my parent's church. I thought my father would kill him. He had to carry his gun because steve was so crazy. But that's over. Thank god for therapists! I went about 3 1/2 months & therapist, Carmen said, Barbara-U face what u have to face in life. U tell it like it is. U betcha! But I never give up never say never & life is still great even though I've been down--sometimes about Stuie leaving me. I think life is still great. I don't look my age & don't act it. I don't ever want to be a fuddy-duddy, boring, person. I have psychic abilities---born w/it & if u can't deal w/me & don't like me, so be it. Go away. Don't criticize unless u are perfect and can contribute to my being a better person. I don't need lectures or cutting remarks. People need compassion & uplifting. I live by WWJD & don't push my beliefs on others. I try to live like I believe. I don't do booty calls---I do dates. Nor do I do 'b.f. w/benefits.' I've never been slutty, or had bad morals---U KNOW WHAT I MEAN!
I'm cool, book smart & street smart. I love life and people --children & animals who can't protect themselves.
HAVE A GOOD DAY & keep smiling (but u don't have to smile all the time and look like an idiot!_ ha ha ha. :)