mephistophilese I'm Online

its been awhile since my last serenade im amazed my skull still encloses my brain for i was almost certain id be completely insane
by this time in life
how far ive come or have chosen to travel is only matched by the madness of each passing day that grows and grows, but never goes away
i can only hope that those i love most will never live their lives this way
im sick and tired of being sick and tired, sick of understanding, tired of being sick to my stomach, this life can be so demanding
normally quiet and friendly yet i cant wait to break your bones
sometimes i wish the doctors wouldnt have let me come home
fuck the world, fuck the stars, fuck the person we're all told to be
ill be myself and if that isnt good enough for you then try to kill me.

my life has become what you'd never want yours to be.

i spend my days in the company of a councelor
i spend my nights in the bitter cold hell that is my home
i am what many dont suspect
i tell you what you want to hear until you stop breathung down my neck
ill decieve you until i get what i want
ill make you believe what doesnt exist is actually real
ill crawl under your skin and youll never even feel
am i insane or am i a genius
or are they the same?
or are they?
your mind is my playground
ill make you question the unquestionable
and think the immaginable
ill make you just like me
or will i?

its so nice sitting very still,
in a room where no one else can feel the pain
im not ok

sunlight shining through my window,
lets me know im still alive
why did i ever let you inside my heart, im such a fool
paint my face in shades of blood
and grey and take a seat right next to me
i should have known that you were a killer,
but now im dead

a gaping hole,shot through my heart
a lost connection from your poison dart
shot from your tongue to end my life

youll never know the hardest thing about dying is,
know ing youll never see the light of day.
my head now spins and my ears bleed gold
i try so fucking hard, but i cant seem to fit your mold

you ripped my heart out
you tore my eyes out now youre gonna pay
ill stab you one time
ill eat your heart so you can feel my pain
i see you in all of my dreams
i wanna kill you...........

i wanna kill you now

im insane.

how many hearts will i find
before mine stops breaking
how many more scars will i put on my arms
before i stop aching

here i stand weeping
while everyone is sleeping
atop this building i feel as if i could touch the sky
as i watch the windows pass, i start to cry

i count in my head
six-hundred three score and six
just before i hit the street

now when you come to wake you and my ghastly body will meet
i take my last breath as blood pours out my mouth

now that im gone it wont be long before you see exactly what you did to me,my love

somebody save me please!!!!!!!!!!

here i lay
staring at clouds in shapes of dogs and cats
i here a women start to yell
oh dear God i think he fell
a oriest is rushing to my side
begins to read me my last rights
father you're too late, my faith is weak
so just save your half-hearted speech
a man bends down by my side and says son
we're gonna get through this one
he said take my hand and let us pray
i scream please get the fuck away
the ambulance is singing
as cops push back the crowd
i take my last breath as blood pours out my mouth
the medics walkin' my way this coul be it
i here him start to state time of death is half past 6

if someone out there cares let me know, cuz no one else does.

well well well again here is it all alone, and i have fallen victim to my own carelessness. the lady i love most is gone and probably not comming back. people i thuoght were my friends filled my head full of all there bullshit lies, and i, like the fool i am ,believed them instead of first questioning my beloved about these accusations. ladies&gentlemen i lay before you all my heartache and pain, and my reasons for what i did. the love of my life is gone today,simply because i ended it all because i wanted to save myself from heartache, when all i did was give myself even more. i lay my decision before you to ask you what you think, was i right or was i wrong? im lost without her though. so if any one cares to read this blog, message me and please give me your simpathy and thoughts. i feel without her all is lost. someone,please save me from myself.

this one is for you....


just before you go to bed tonight look out your window. see that one little star shining down just for you? every time it twinkles its me saying i love you,and i miss you and cant wait until youre here with me again. i miss you and keep dreaming youll be with me and youll never go. on my knees id ask for one last chance, id withstand all of hell to hold your hand, cuz i love you. im not leaving any time soon, so hold on to me and never let me go. heavens gates wont open up for me, my wings are broken and im falling. im on the edge of the 666th story and i dream of you. all i need is you. as i lay dying all i need is you to bring me back to life.

always,
td
I LOVE YOU

you cant escape the wrath of my heart beating to your funeral song all faith is lust for hell regained and love is dust in the hands of shame so let me bleed you this song of my heart deformed and lead you along this path in the dark where i belong until i feel your warmth. hold me like you held onto life when all fears came alive and entombed me love me like you love the sun scorching the blood in my vampire heart. i am the thorns in every rose, youve been sent by hope i am the nightmare waking you up from the dream of a dream of love. so let me weep you this poem as heavens gates close and paint you my soul scarred and alone waiting for your kiss to take me back home

here i lay rotting away, some one save me please. should i assume that some one hears me when i pray? knuckles bloody and broken, just like my spirit. all i see is emptiness that i have made my home and i'm drowning in my river of gloom. so if there is someone or something out there who cares please save me. alone i break my body weak and my mind distrought with random thoughts, mostly of my loves requim. now it seems i'm sending my prayer to a god who is def and blind, there seems to be no hope left for me.

marsi mae if you're reading all the stupid shit i put on here, thanx. and i just wanna say i love you!! and another thing dont take the whole suicide thing real serious, cuz it's just some b.s. i typed up. besides i love you way too much to let go that easily. later babe-much love