stevieeestep I'm Online

It’s one of those days where I look out at the world and say to myself… today is the day that I grab and take all that life has to offer me… and I smile to myself because I know today is going to be a good day…

I look up to the sky… the clouds floating upon the wind… the sun peaking across the eastern mountains, my son’s hand in mine as we walk to the truck and I know that today is going to be a good day…

I’m driving down the road… and the people that pass me, wave to me… I wave back cause I know that each and everyone one of them are connected to me… connected to me because we’re all human and we all have our trials and tribulations… and I know that today is going to be a good day…

My desk is cluttered, there is more work then I can get done in two days… and I smile because I have purpose… and I have a gift… I know that my place is to serve and to protect… to bring each and every person that is employed home to their loved ones in one piece… and I know that today is going to be a good day…

I think ahead to this evening… I will fight tonight… I will probably bleed… I will feel pain… and I throw my head back and laugh because I know my body can take all that the other one has to dish out… and I laugh because I know I am going to give as much as I take… and I laugh because I am a man… and as a man… life is a fight… this is nothing but play and preparation for the real world… and I know today is going to be a good day...

Fighting back… and laughing at the world… because I am more then most…

Stevie E

And you knew with a status and mood update such as the one that I left tonight that I would be blogging... yea... tonight I am full of emotions...

Mostly anger... pissed off... and it's a righteous anger... I am angry for the right reasons...

You can hurt me... tear me down... put me down... run over top of me and I will deal with my pain in silence... you touch one of the ones that I care about... you hurt them... you put them down... and I will be there on top of you in a heart beat...

Let me put it like this... and maybe this will best describe something about me... a deep hidden childhood fantasy... and I'm putting more of me out there tonight then I normally do... but this is the only way I know how to make my point... I am making a point...

I can remember being in Kindergarten... and I can remember having a dream... a daydream... a daydream that I replayed over and over again in my mind... a girl that I had a crush on (yea I started early) was hurt by another guy in the class... and I came to her rescue... saved her... saved her from the bully...

Such an innocent daydream... such a childish imagination... but...

That daydream formed a mindset within me, a mindset that has driven me through-out my entire life...

I dream of being the night in shiny armour... of being the one to come to the rescue... of being there for the ones that I care about... it goes to the very core of my being... of laying my life down for those that I care about... I could ask for no better death then this...

And so... and so... and so... when I find out that someone that I care a great deal about is being hurt... well to put it mildly I am pissed...

I haven't been this pissed in probably about three or four years... and my true friends know... know that with all that I have been through in the last several years that I have had pleanty of opportunities to be pissed... that I have been pissed... that I know what being hurt is all about... and they also know that I have let it slide... that I let it slide... and not acted upon my anger...

Tonight however, it's different... very different...

It's not me that is being hurt... not me, but someone that I care greatly about... and I am infuriated that someone would treat them in such a way... this I will not let slide...

I can not act... will not act... have not been asked to act... but I will not forget... and I will not sit silently by the sidelines if there is ever a need to act... no, no I will not!

Those of you who truly know me... know that when I set my mind to a project, a task, an idea... when I set my mind to something... that I will not be swayed... that I will not give up... I don't know how to quite...

I am stating now... that if the need arises... I have made my mind up... I have come to an impassable resolve to not be moved or be swayed in reguard to this matter...

I am not hunting for trouble... will go out of my way to avoid it... at the same time... at the same time... I will not sit idly by and watch someone that I care about be tore apart...

No I am not hunting for trouble but if trouble comes hunting the ones I care about... well now that's a different story...

You can take that to the bank...

Willing and ready with resolve...

Stevie E

Things…

Received first snow report from Snowshoe Resort stating that they had their first snowfall on October 11th… ski season is right around the corner. I still have a plane ticket to Utah from last year… looking forward to good times in the lodge and on the slopes…

This weekend is bridge day back at New River Gorge… will probably head back there and visit some friends and head out to Bridge Day… who knows might even do a rappel or two… it’s been a long time though!

Work is nuts… but rewarding!

The bike hasn’t killed me yet… haha… despite many predictions that it would within the first week! Never mind that I have wrecked every other bike that I have ever ridden with the exception of two others! It’s not that I can’t ride… but you shouldn’t put trees and rocks in the way of where I want to ride, they have a tendency to jump out at ya… jk.. jk… it’s all good and I am being safe!

I’m back in the gym and can’t believe how bad it hurts… it’s a good hurt… but still just the same it hurts… Friday night is the first night back in the ring… really, really hoping that I don’t bleed too much…haha…

Sleep is a precious commodity… never enough of that… once again see the comment about work is nuts… also I have too many other things that I want to be doing once I get off of work and sleep tends to get pushed back…

I have my son next weekend… looking forward to that… seems like forever since I saw the little man!

It’s nice to realize that I’m not broken… that as life settles down… and the commotion and drama associated with a divorce and custody battle fade away that I am really still the same person that I always have been… and who I like being… it’s nice to be able to help others again, instead of constantly focused upon my own problems and pain… yea it feels good to be me.

For all of my friends that stuck by me through all of this… you know what I am talking about… you saw the changes… and you also saw who I became during that time period… you know that wasn’t really me, and I thank you for sticking by me through it all… trusting that the person that you knew and cared about was still there…

I hope you never have to go through anything similar but if you all do… I can only hope that I can be as good of a friend to you all as you all have been to me…

Too much other stuff going on to type it all out… just know… I am breaking free, I am breaking through…

Love ya all,
Stevie E.

Let me take you to another place… a place where this just all goes away…
Let me show you what I have seen... felt and believed…
Let me talk to you of this thing… and I want you to believe…

I’ve stared past your skin…
I’ve sorted through the layers of personifications that you have built up to protect yourself.
I’ve seen a diamond in the rough… a precious stone… encased within your heart…

I want you to know that you’re better then you believe…
I want you to know that you need to let your spirit free…
I want you to know that your perfect without the protective walls built up to portray something that you truly are not…

You should just let it all go… let it disappear…
You should just let the pain slip away…
You should let the walls come crashing down…

These walls you believe keep you safe…
These walls you believe let you have control…
These walls, trap you within… locked within… bound down, under their control…

These walls keep me out… kept me out… but once or twice between the cracks…
Between the cracks I caught a glimpse of this gem…
It was beautiful and bright…

It was a rare stone… one that I wanted to make my own…
Now I just want to see this precious thing set free…
Now I just want you to be all you can be… shine for the world baby…shine for me…

Everyone should see… what’s beneath your skin… you need to set that free!