Useless Info... LOL

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

Is somebody not editing what I'm saying here???

I love giving opinions, I've got hundreds.

If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again; it was probably worth it.

Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.

Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

I had to hit him : he was starting to make sense.

A tree never hits an automobile except in self defense.

Wanted : Person willing to seal gas leaks with candle. Must be willing to travel.

Mind intentionally left blank...

Did you know, 50% of doctors graduated in the BOTTOM HALF of their class.

The human body was designed by a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?

If at first you dont succeed, blame someone else and seek counselling.

There are some people we *want* to offend.

Tact is for people who aren't clever enough to take the p*ss.

Why do you laugh? Change the name, and the story is told of you.

What if there were no such thing as a hypothetical situation?

Women make silly generalisations.

I'd explain it to you, but your head would blow up.

We have only 2 things to worry about: That things will never get back to normal, and that they already have.

Remember the world is a big place. Even if you're one in a million, that means 1000 people in China look exactly like you.

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

It's so late it's almost early.

You ever look up the word dictionary in a dictionary? A little hand comes out and smacks you one.

What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?

Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

Close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades.

Speak softly but drive a Sherman tank.